So its Saturday, I had plans, I was meant to be working, keeping customers happy by delivering their wonderful Mary Kay products to them. There was a stuff up somewhere with the company that gets the products from the dispatch warehouse to my door, cos after spending all day sitting next to the front door, nothing has arrived. I was looking forward to having a busy and productive day, cos I know that when I am busy I get a lot more done, even stuff that was never on my 'To-Do' list in the first place. However since I have had my plans ripped out from underneath me, I am instead spending the day surfing the internet, reading blogs, constantly checking my Facebook etc. I'm floating, I'm getting nothing done even though I know that there is stuff that I can do around the house.
This is the way I work:
- when I'm busy I'm really busy,
- I'm productive,
- stuff happens,
- plans are made and kept
- suddenly my sock drawer is organised cos I had a spare 5min and I can't sit still for that long on a busy day.
But when I don't have plans, or they get changed or I have a quiet day, I take it to the extremes:
- not even my breakfast bowl gets rinsed,
- suddenly making a cup of coffee seems like too much effort and I eventually give in to having instant coffee when the headaches set in, cos that's easier and uses up less of my internet surfing or movie watching time.
Funny thing is, I KNOW that if I simply get up off my backside and start doing something, like cleaning the kitchen I will suddenly find all these other things that need doing and eventually have a neat and tidy sock drawer again. But my plans have been ruined, so getting up is just a little too much effort.....
That is not the only part of my life that I contradict myself in either....
I like adventure stuff like white water rafting, rock climbing etc but I have no sense of adventure! Some examples,
- LOVE rock climbing and bush walking but went into a mental breakdown while climbing Mt Tibrogargan!
- Love the idea of fast cars and going for a ride on a real motorbike but riding a scooter around Magnetic Island was one of the most terrifying experiences I have ever had (stupid shaky wobbly things).
- Would try skydiving but wont even consider bungee jumping!
Other things:
- The idea of laying on a blanket in the middle of nowhere looking at the stars, or going for a walk on a moonlit beach seem so romantic and I have enjoyed indulging in said activities in the past, but I'm still kinda terrified of the dark and every little noise makes me jump out of my skin.
- I LOVE our backyard, it's a tropical paradise, its soothing and relaxing and full of spiders so when I am home alone I will not go further than the clothes line!
- I'm happy to jump head first into things without thinking them through but dont you dare ever try to push me into something! (seriously I mean I WILL attempt to kill you in your sleep)
- I love socialising and interacting with people but when it comes time to play board games, card games or even the odd game of soccer I prefer to sit off to the side and watch.
- I have no shame, I do stupid humiliating thing in public, but I HATE being publicly humiliated or made to feel the fool!
The lists goes on and on, I sometimes wonder how Phil is NOT in a constant state of confusion as I change my mind/opinion/feelings/mood about things so many times and often without logical thought or explanation (that always come about 3 weeks after said change of heart has happened) but he puts up with me, I think he does it by simply anticipating the change... I love how that man can put up with me.
For my part I dont think I have always been like this... I was always more likely to not do anything than get something done (the productivity is new for me) I used to have a much greater sense of adventure, didn't care quite so much about public humiliation (at least not to the point where it affected my life) and I used to find so much joy in kicking people's butts in card games etc. But it seems that I am changing or have changed, or that I am just having a little bit of conflict with myself.... I dont know exactly what happened but what I do know is this:
- I'd like to be less afraid of everything
- I want my sense of adventure back
- I want to get back into interacting instead of watching
- I'd like to be more productive and less lazy
- I'd like to be able to say that I am going to make these changes in myself and actually see them happen and
- I'd like to know if those people who thought they had me figured out are suddenly really confused!?!?!? :-)
2 comments:
So life is never a dull moment with you, that's why we love you!! Mamma
Confused? No, much of that sounds logical to me!! Haha, or is that saying something about me??
I can understand the whole liking being social but not joining in games or whatever - being a social person doesn't automatically mean you like card/board games; I can understand liking rock climbing but getting fed up climbing Tibrogargan - enjoying a short but challenging rockclimb doesn't mean enjoying a long and exhausting hike! - I think most of those make sense :)
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